went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You are a genius and a whore.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
