oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
