I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I have post one night stand depression
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