he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
