i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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