i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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