we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
