Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
