they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
