I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
