Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
