it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
