Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
