ya dads aren't the best wingmen
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
