I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
