Midget sex pt 2 tonight
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
