I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
