Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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