some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
