I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
