she smelled like a LAN party
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She's the barista slut.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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