Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
