Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
