these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
