...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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