So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
