I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
