Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
