Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
