The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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