The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
