i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
