eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
