im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
