i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
