is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
