last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
