a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
