After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
