If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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