Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
