Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
