pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
