I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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