I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
