dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just want to make out with him forever
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
