My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
