Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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