I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
