So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
